Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

But things have suddenly changed.  My peaceful existence in Gentilly has been complicated.  This morning, for the first time in years, there occurred to me the possibility of a search.

From: The Moviegoer by Walker Percy (pg. 10)

Today, I am restless and confused.  I slept well last night.  Too well.  But when I woke up this morning, something was not right.  Nothing has radically changed in the last few days.  Perhaps what I sense is not a change but an absence.  The whole thing is confusing.  But when this experience comes over me, all I want to do is leave civilization and go get lost out in the woods somewhere and be alone.

I remembered the first time the search occurred to me.  I came to myself under a chindolea bush.  Everything is upside-down for me, as I shall explain later.  What are generally considered to be the best times are for me the worst times, and that worst of times was one of the best. […] There awoke in me an immense curiosity.  I was onto something.  I vowed that if I ever got out of this fix, I would pursue the search.  Naturally, as soon as I recovered and got home, I forgot all about it.

From: The Moviegoer by Walker Percy (pgs. 10-11)

The other night I watched the movie, “Elegy” starring Penelope Cruz and Ben Kingsley.  I found the film very disturbing and beautiful.  The film was filled with the riches of human life.  But I was greatly put-off (and fascinated) by Ben Kingsley’s character: David Kepesh.

The plot revolves around an older university professor (age 62), David, who becomes romantically involved with Penelope Cruz’s character, Consuela (age 24).  I was disturbed on two levels.  First, I was annoyed that David could not get out of the 1960’s.  Why is it that human beings seem to get trapped in time?  Second, David is a 62-year-old man with incredible loneliness and no desire to go out and get lost in the woods.  Why are people so incredibly needy?  I have more thoughts on the film, but these are still being examined and refined.

However, last night, I watched “Wipeout” on TV, and then changed the channel to PBS and watched “Alone in the Wilderness,” a documentary about the life of Richard Proenneke who lived as a solitary in the wilderness of Alaska.  As I watched I kept thinking, “Now here is a guy who understood his need to go and get lost in the woods.”

And so today, I am restless…

But this morning when I got up, I dressed as usual and began as usual to put my belongings into my pockets: wallet, notebook (for writing down occasional thoughts), pencil, keys, handkerchief, pocket slide rule (for calculating percentage returns on principal).  They looked both unfamiliar and at the same time full of clues.  I stood in the center of the room and gazed at the little pile, sighting through a hole made by thumb and forefinger.  What was unfamiliar about them was that I could see them.  They might have belonged to someone else.  A man can look at this little pile on his bureau for thirty years and never once see it.  It is as invisible as his own hand.  Once I saw it, however, the search became possible.

From: The Moviegoer by Walker Percy (pg. 11)