Happy “Single Awareness” Day!

On Valentine’s Day a few years ago while I was still in college, this beautiful, young woman named Cristina came up to me and asked if I were single.  I replied that indeed, I was.  To her delight, she asked me to pick out one of the folded papers that she had in her hand.  I picked one, and on the front it read, “Love” and on opening it, it read, “Stinks…yeah, yeah!  Love, Cristina.”  We both laughed, and I gave her a smile. 

For couples, Valentine’s Day is (or is supposed to be…lol) a day of love and joy.  However, for most single persons, Valentine’s Day is just another friendly reminder that a person is single, desperate, and all alone.  Valentine’s Day is “Single Awareness” Day.

Perhaps, I have an interesting perspective to bring to everyone who struggles with Valentine’s Day.  To begin with, I am a celibate or a person who has renounced the married life in search of something greater.  Needless to say, this means that I do not date.  Unlike most single persons, I have the luxury of knowing that I am not going to find the “right person” or my “opposite half.”  Now does this mean that I am sad, pathetic, and miserable?  Hell no!  I think that most people would say that I am a joyous and peaceful kind of person.  However, this does not mean that I do not struggle with my own loneliness.

Recently, I have become rather close with two warm-hearted couples: Greg and Casey – Chris and Taylor.  To be quite honest, they are (both couples) very adorable.  Sometimes, I think to myself, “I wish I had Greg’s joy in dating Casey” or “I wish someone would care for me as Taylor cares for Chris.”  If I am not careful, my heart becomes faint, and I get depressed…why?

As a permanently single person, I have come to realise that the most dangerous vice to attack the soul on Valentine’s Day is envy.  Elder Ambrose of Optina, a Russian Orthodox saint, writes:

The passion of envy does not allow anyone who is possessed by it to rejoice completely at any joyous feast or in any joyous circumstances.  Like a worm, it always gnaws at the soul and heart with its turbid sorrow, because the envious considers his neighbor’s happiness and success to be his own unhappiness, and the preference given to others he considers his own unmerited offense.

- From: Elder Ambrose of Optina by Fr. Sergius Chetverikov (pg. 193)

Similarly, St. Paul writes:

Let love be genuine, hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with brotherly affection; outdo one another in showing honor.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

- Romans 12: 9-10 and 15 (RSV-SCE)

When I find that my heart is sad at the happiness of another or delights in the sadness of another, I realise that my heart has become small and I am guilty of envy…but…all is not lost.  All vices have a coresponding virtue.  If envy has polluted my heart, I am in need of the purifier known as kindness.

So on this “Day of Love”, if you find yourself single like me, my prayer is that your heart and mine will be absent of envy and full of kindness towards others.  Have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

A Good-Bye with Angels

So, I work in a factory where I make $8.85 an hour and only get to see the sun on breaks.  Needless to say, no one works in a factory as part of a career move.  Most of the people that I encounter at my job are individuals who have run into some kind of trouble or have very little direction in life.

For the last month or so, I have had the pleasure of working next to Jane (I will not use her real name); she is a young, black woman in her early 20’s.  She is spontaneous, beautiful, a little crazy, and full of life.  However, Jane is not all smiles and laughs…although she tries to be.

After the first week of working with Jane, I noticed that her personality would cycle from one extreme to the other.  For example, one day she would be really loud and vibrant, but the next day she would be quiet and depressed.  I asked her about this as sincerely and sensitively as I could.  Jane replied that her astrological sign was Gemini and that most Gemini are very two faced.  Therefore, she told me to always remember that she was a very complicated and intense person.  To be quite frank, I do not subscribe to astrology…yet I decided to listen to what Jane had to say.

We would talk about a lot of different things.  One day, she came into work and declared that she was now officially a man-hater.  I asked her why, and she said that all men who are interested in her ultimately want to use her.  I told her that I am also a man-hater.  I told her that in my opinion most men do not have hearts.  Sadly, most men look down on the gentleness of the opposite sex.  A woman’s gentleness and tenderness are her crowning glory, yet most men have very little respect for these natural attributes found in womanhood.  She immediately became excited and gave me a high-five.  I guess I had really struck a chord of truth in her heart.

We also talked about her family.  Unfortunately, her dad was in jail.  Jane had a lot of respect for her mom, but from what I could understand, her mom was just as immature as she was.  With respect to the future, Jane told me that she wanted to go back to school and get some sort of certification as a nurse.

I once asked her if she ever got lonely.  Jane said that she felt lonely a lot of the time.  In fact, she even went on to tell me that she often cried without quite knowing why.  She would often flirt with many of the guys at work.  I think that they saw her as something of a whore.  Oftentimes, they would make fun of her “small” breasts and tell her to grow up.  Seeing all of this, my heart became sullen with sadness and downcast.

I could tell that Jane was not nearly as complicated as she took herself to be.  She had briefly dated a young “thug” at work for about two months.  Long story short, he got the sex he needed, and she felt loved.  After a few weeks, he started to ask her for money.  Pretty soon, she was giving him her whole paycheck.  She finally got sick of the situation and got rid of him.  This is how I found Jane: not so much complicated as wounded.

I meet many young women like Jane who are lost, struggling, and confused.  They do the best with what they have…but…unfortunately, they oftentimes get themselves into bad situations, and no one seems to look out for them.

Jane’s last work day was last Thursday, and I decided to get her a going away gift.  I gave her a simple, gold necklace with a small angel and a note that read:

My first name is William which means “protector.”  It is said that God has given us angels to watch over and protect us.  Remember that you are never alone.

After lunch, Jane came up to me and gave me a huge hug.  She told me that I had almost made her cry.  She showed me that she was proudly wearing the necklace that I had given to her and exclaimed that she would never take it off her neck…ever.  Jane’s happiness filled me with such joy!  I shall never forget Jane.  I am reminded of a haiku written by the poet, Basho:

Young leaves coming out:

Ah…that I could wipe away,

the tears from your eyes!

About Me

About me…where should I start?

Currently, I am a 25 year old, single male living in Colorado Springs, CO.  I graduated from Rampart High School in 2002.  After high school, I attended the Colorado School of Mines for three semesters and found that I hated the whole engineering thing.  In May of 2007, I graduated from CSU (Colorado State University) with a degree in Construction Management. 

While going to CSU, I found myself lost, confused, bitter, and depressed.  For the first time in my life, I decided to shut up and learn a little.  I began to read like a mad man.

I read Mohandas K. Gandhi, Leo Tolstoy, Aristotle, Marcus Aurelius, Confucius, Lao Tzu, Chuang Tzu, Sri Ramakrishna, H.H. the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, Malcolm X, Frederick Douglass, Swami Satchidananda, Vinoba Bhave, Thomas A’Kempis, Saint Augustine of Hippo, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Martin Luther King, Jr., Thomas Merton, and a few others.

To the surprise of many, I was baptized into the Roman Catholic Church on Easter, 2007.

As regards my current situation, I am working a crummy job to pay off my credit card debt.  Once this is done, I am hoping to join a Catholic monastic community out in Iowa known as the Cistercians or Trappists.  The monks have a great website that you can visit: www.newmelleray.org

Otherwise, I consider myself to be a fairly normal person.  I enjoy watching “That 70’s Show” and “Everybody Loves Raymond.”  My all time favorite band is Pearl Jam.  I grew up on grunge music, so I also like Rage Against the Machine, Alice In Chains, Bush, etc.  My top ten favorite movies would include: Hitch, Forrest Gump, Wedding Crashers, Casablanca, Se7en…hmm…the list is too difficult to create.

In my spare time, I love reading and spending time with my family and friends.  Otherwise, I guess that’s a pretty good introduction.